Happy Birthday, My Dear

Dear Sky, Today is June 18th. Today is our birthday. There is not much different between this year and last year. May had happened. Joy and laugh. Pain and hurt. And none did I regret. This year, they might not remember it again as well. But don't be sad. Sora and Asch had already wished you a happy birthday, right? Held your head high and put on your best smile. Even if it hurts so bad, don't let them see it. Be though. Don't let others see your pain. Don't let them pi mty you nor underestimate you, but most importantly, don't let them feel the same feeling that you are having. Now that we are 18, we will start another journey. Another chapter in our life. What others think are important, but not as important as what you think or what yoir dearest ones think. If you ever make any mistake in the future, don't you ever regret it. It might be hurt, but if you see it from the other side, you shall not regret it. And please remember not to forget the joy of a child. It is okay to grow up, but if you always think and see the world like and adult , you might ended up missing the beauty of the world. Try to see the world from the eyes of a child. You might find the world a lot more colorful and less bitter if you do it. So now, held your head, put on your best smile, and see the world with the eyes of a child again. Cheers,

I Screwed Up... Again...

I woke up at three in the morning, preparing my self for a trip to an island called Bangka. The sun hasn't even showed his self when I, somehow, messed up. This time, I lost my student card. Well, it's not a big deal if you are not planing to go over seas in few weeks. But LUCKY me, my parents were planing a vacation to Japan and I haven't even work my VISA just yet. And to make that stupid thing called VISA, I'm gonna need my student card. Now, everything messed up. All that's left is me, waiting my dad to find out what happened, and kill me instantly. Wow... I'm so damn LUCKY!!!

An Orphan

You know, I have a dream to have an orphan house once i have enough money. You might wondering why on earth I have such a dream. It's pretty simple actually. It's because I'm lonely. It's just because of that. Although I still have my parents, I tend to feel like I don't have one. That I am practically alone in this world. Weird, huh? But one thing that I learned from that is being alone doesn't feel good. It feels cold and empty inside. It doesn't matter how hard you laugh or how bright your smile is, it means nothing when you don't have a family. Now that I'm almost 17, I understand a bit better about the world. Now, whenever I saw parents having fun with their kids, I could feel jealousy as well as pain in my heart. I'm jealous cause they could still enjoy their life like that, and the pain is because I could no longer feel that kind of warmth. Once I have enough money, I'll make an orphan house. So none of the kids will feel lonely. So I will not feel lonely again.

Atashi wa Atashi Janai!

Dear stupid blog of mine, I feel more insecure than before. And I don't like it at all. I just wish I could disappear. I know that I'll regret saying it in no time, but that's how I feel right now at this moment. I'm currently sitting in a lobby of some hotel in Sumedang. I'm currently joining the Kids Forum. I know that I should be happy for being able to make new friends and also meeting some old friends. You know, it's kinda hard for me to keep wearing this stupid mask of mine. But when I was thinking to take it off, I realize that I, my self, did not know what lies beyond that mask. I hate to admit it. I hate to admit that I am not me. That I don't know who I really am. You know, maybe it's better for me to not know what lies beyond that mask. Because if I know what lies beyond it, I might ended up regretting my life. Cursing it and hoping that I was not born in to this world. You know, I already realize that I'm desperate. People said that when you understand what happened to you, you'll be able to get a better life. Maybe it's kinda different for me. Although I already realize that I'm desperate, I still don't have a better life. Pathetic is pathetic. Pathetic is my life, at least for now. Signed, _NZmrc_ (Owner of this stupid blog)

I'm Pretty Sure That I'm Lost

Lost. Yep. That's my word for the last few centuries (?) if I might say. You might be wondering why I choose that word. At first, I don't want to admit it. But since my uncle passed away, I felt that another part of my heart collapsed and sunk in to an endless pit. It's really pathetic even for someone like me to think like that. But that's the fact. I feel so lost. Just imagine your self as a kid, wondering alone in a foreign country, without any money, and surrounded with people who talked in such a weird language. That's what happen to me. I only make everything worse by trying to deny the fact that he's no longer here. I act happy as if there's nothing in the world that could bother me in front of everyone. NO one really knows what I actually feel. I really wish I could open up a bit more and tell them about have been bothering me. But I can't just do that. I've done it once only to realize that most of them could not be trusted. In the end, they'll only hurt you. Again and again, until you stop talking about it. If you guys got enough with my depressing post, I better tell you that I also have enough of them. Unfortunately, this's the only thing that I can do. Writing. And unlike a diary, I don't mind if anyone stumble open one of my stupid posts and read them. It's not like you know me. Anyway, let's catch up with what has been happening in my life. You see, few weeks ago, I found out that the stories that were SUPPOSED to be written by my junior are actually taken from the internet. Surprised, surprised. She was actually a plagiarist. I am not going to say, "Oh my... I can't believe she done such an awful thing!" nor "How could she do such a thing?!". Me, I'll personally say, "Dude, what the f*** is wrong with you?! If you want to take someone works, then you gotta be smart! You don't even change the stupid titles nor the characters name! That's just freaking idiotic!!" Yeah. I am not angry because she took other people works. I'm more pissed because she didn't even use her head when doing it. I mean, what could be more idiotic than just copy-paste their work and print it without changing ANY words? GOD! I really can't believe her idiotic action. To be honest, I still have tons of nonsense that I want to write down, but I'll keep it for another time. My head feel so god damn heavy due too lack of sleep. I think I better meet my dearest pillow now. Ciao.