18 June

It's been a while. I know.
I didn't mean to abandon my blog or what, it's just... I got to much things in my mind.

Anyway, today is my 15 birthday.
Believe it or not, I didn't want to get out from my room.
All I want is just spending my time in my room. Nothing else.

But it seems like it's impossible.
My parents decided to take me to the 'Trans Studio' (some sort of amusement park).
It's not like I don't want to have fun or what.
I don't want to go there cause the it's an indoor amusement park!
I mean where is the fun part with playing indoor.

Just to make it short, I GOT NO FUN AT ALL.
My dad force me to take my pictures.
He knew that I hate to be a model for all these photo sesion thingy and he force me!
GREAT!!!

And just to make it worse, when we went to the mall, he asked me to stand beside a car so he can take my picture.
HELL NO!!!
Hey, this IS my birthday!
Do you have to do all of this stuff today?
Don't you guys know how hurt does it feel for me?
Have you guys think about my feeling?

To tell you the truth, I rather stay in home, writing or reading or doing something rather than go out with them!
I rather go out and celebrate my birthday with my friends than with them!
It's not like I didn't appreciate them! It's just... I hate to be dragged around doing stuff that I don't like.
Especially in my birthday. I just don't like it.

You may call me a spoiled brat or crybaby or anything that you want but this is the truth.
Let me tell you the truth. I actually wrote this in my room while crying.
I DIDN'T ENJOY MY BIRTHDAY AT ALL!!!
MY BEST BUDDIES DIDN'T EVEN SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!
MY OLDEST FRIENDS DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY AT ALL!!!
And let me make this clear, IT'S HURT TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS.

I don't know what should I write now.
Cause I still can't express the pain that I feel.
But this short poem that I just think might work:



A day unlike any other day
The day when I was born years ago
The day when I want to have fun together
The day that I want to forget

Clock Strike at 12
18 June has come
My birthday is today
Everyone would cheer if this is their birthday
Everyone except me

No smile in my face
Only pain in my heart

Putting a fake smile in my face
With a hope that today will pass in a sec

My heart is full with the pain
Hurting me with all this fake smiles

Looking blankly at the clock
Hoping that it'll strike 12 in no time
Hoping that my birthday would pass
Hoping that this pain would end soon



I know that the poem doesn't sound so good. But for me, that poem might express my feeling now.
Not all of them. But most of them.
I just realize how hurt is it to be forgotten by the none that you loved.
I know that my parents is busy, but that doesn't mean that they can forget how old am I right?
I know that I'm not close to them, but how can they forget their only daughter age!
They only got 2 children! 1 son and 1 daughter!
Is it really hard to remember our age? Is it really hard to remember your children age?

You know what?
I don't care anymore!
I mean my life is already a mess!
I don't care if my parents forget how old am I!
As long as I still have my brother. As long as he remember me, I don't mind at all.
As long as I still have one person left to support me, I'm gonna be okay.
I promise that I'll be okay. Even if my parents don't care about me.


P.S: I want to thank my brother who send me the first happy birthday message. Thanks for remember my birthday.