Hiya... I just got back from a school program called CSW (Community Study Work) two days ago. I have a lot of fun in there. I do. And in that place, I was given some times to think about stuffs, mostly about my live.
At that time, we're staying at the villager house. I got no problem with that, but I'm really glad when I know that they're so welcoming. To be honest, it has been around six months that I lost the sense of being home. I mean, now that I currently staying at my aunt place, I realize that I never become a part of her family.
I'm not sure... but there's some sort of barrier between me and the other. A barrier that I haven't been able to walk through. People said that I'm a cheerful person. Someone who seems like she doesn't have any problem to think about. They might be right. But that's not the truth. That's not me. That's just the surface... the skin... the mask...
I know that I'm the one who make that impression, but I kinda hope that they could see the person who's hiding behind those fake smiles. It hurts to keep smiling. But if I don't, I could not see their smile.
I often think that it is okay for me to get hurt, as long as they didn't have to feel it. Then a good friend of mine came and told me that I was way too kind. When I heard that, all I could do is giving her a sad smile and telling her that I have no choice. At that time, she shook her head and called me a moron. I am not surprised when I heard that.I might be a foolish for making such a decision, but for me, it's ok to be hurt as long as those who I care about keep smiling.
Okay, back to the CSW thingy. At that time, the owner of the house that I stayed in, said that I'm a cheerful girl. I almost burst in to tear and tell her who am I really are. But I can't, can I? I mean, telling her the truth would only break her heart and I only have one more day left in there.
After I go back from Pangalengan, I go back to my boring live. Leaving my family in there, facing the strangers in back here.
No comments:
Post a Comment