Midnight Show

It's already pass the midnight. But I still can't sleep. I got so many things in my mind.
My head hurts cuz I haven't got enough sleep lately. But I can't really have a good night sleep lately. I've been thinking about some stuffs that Garland said, the script that I should have wrote by now, and... about me coming back to Makassar.

I know that I'm supposed to be happy cuz I'm gonna meet my family, but... it's just... it'll never get easier for me to meet and join the crowd. I know that I cheer a lot, but that's only the surface. The truth is, I don't even know why I'm doing it.

I admit that I didn't really want to admit that. But hey! My blog have almost no reader at all, remember? I can't believe that I'm actually glad that no one would read this blog.

(Hey, hold on a sec! I'm supposed to feel desperate cuz no one reading this! I 'm not supposed to e glad! AARRRGGGHHH!!!! Whet kind of writer are you Naz?! You're idiot!!)

Anyway now I'm sitting in front of the computer wondering what to read. It sucks for a writer wannabe like me to run out of idea. God... I'm so pathetic! Life is not moving as well as I predict, but over all, it's pretty good, I guess?

My life is currently getting pretty tough. Tougher than before, at least. With no one to talk to, no books to be read and no internet connection, it's absolutely going tougher.

I can handle the lesson just fine, but I sometimes I just can't stand the pressure that I faced. It's not easy. And I bet it won't be easier since I'm gonna join the INAYS (Indonesian Young Scientist). I bet I'm gonna get a whole bunch of job. I wonder if I can finish them on time. And just to make it worse, I'm still have to work on a script for the assembly.

That doesn't sounds good to me. NOT AT ALL. I wonder if I can survive this challenge. I have no doubt that I'm gonna take the challenge, but I'm having doubt in finishing the homework and the other stuff.

And I also still wondering why they pick me, not the other student. They told me that I got the quality, but they didn't told me what is my quality. Believe it or not, I didn't even trust my self. I doubt my self. I doubt the quality that I got. I even doubt their decision!

I might not be able to find all the answer that I've been looking for all this time. But having more question to be answered is also not a really good thing for me now.
My heart aches for finding the answers of all the question that I have, but it seems like I won't find the answer soon.