Lots of Things Happened

Lots of things happened today. And when I said lots of things, I really mean it. From getting back from Lampung around one o'clock in the morning, ditching my aunt, getting yelled at, and the death from the unfamiliar relative.

To be honest, my head is killing me right now. I'm writing this post in order to escape most of the pain and also to prevent my sanity to slipped away.

Okay, Lampung is not a big deal except that I can't really sleep until around four o'clock in the morning and wake up around nine.

And about ditching my aunt? Yep, me and my cousins really did that. You see, we never really like her. I mean, she's a type of person that always think that she's more superior than anyone else. So yeah, we ran off to the movie without taking her with us even though we knew that she wanted to come with us.

Once the movie ended, we have no choice except to back to my cousin place, where we knew that she's waiting for us in there. Everything start pretty good. A bit of yelling (which kinda surprise me cause I was predicting a lot more), a bit of tears from her, and bla...bla...bla...

So, she told us that all she want is to spent time with us. And yes, she told us while crying. At first, I wanted to believe her. But there're two things stopping me from doing that.

First, I already close my heart. I've closed my heart a long time ago. And since trusting someone means that you have to open up your heart, it is not a wish that I can easily granted. I've hurt before, and I don't like it. I never want to do it again.

And second, right after her teary confession, she started forcing us to tell her what we thing she really is cause she wanted to change in 2012. But then again, whenever we told her something, she keeps arguing and back firing at us. It's suck.

So yeah, I do (NOT) trust her.

Right after those things happened, we went to the hospital. But before that we stopped at the restaurant to have dinner. Finished with dinner, we continue our journey to the hospital. And once we got there, one of our relative that I truly have NO idea who he is, told us that the one that we wanted to visit has just passed away around ten minutes ago.

When I heard that, I felt like someone just stab me right in to my heart. The sadness that I felt is something that I could not identify. I mean, I din't even know who's the one that passed away. I only knew that she's my distance relatives.

The pain is unbearable for me.
I haven't even open my heart, yet the pain is already killing me.
What will happened if I open up my heart and lose someone important to me?
Or if someone hurt me like the way they did in the past?


Will I be able to survive?